Cardio Critic Gifts

Dog on a treadmill.

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"And what do you do to maintain your cardiovascular fitness, Miss Holt?"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"I hate this time of year."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"You'll never believe who's here."

Samuel Beckett

The Music Critic.

"Hang on! - we've possibly go another couple of films left in here!!"