Card Swiper Mugs

'Sorry. In the time it took you to get out your credit card the price of smokes went up another 30 cents.'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Textin’"

Menu Dating

Turtle Hat

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Bingo night.

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

"Blast, you've cleaned me out again!" Grey squirrels out competing red squirrel for food.

'They say that poker is a sport. I hope they don't start testing for steroids.'

'What do you mean - you 'LET him win'?'

"I wish I could lay there all day watching funny cat videos..."

How would Madam like to pay?

Worm Bed

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

Mice taking lessons.

Free Little Library

"You have such beautiful eyes."

"Hey—no cheating!"

'I think I'll raise.'

"You should have said you only wanted a trim. . . I'd have sent you to the barber next door."

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

Who Typexed out the grass?

Magicians monkey.

'Does your phone have a scanner thingy? I've got a barcode on my butt if you want my number.'

Fertility Clinic - "Who wants to be mother?"

'... Geez! This guy's got the poker face from hell.'

Cheese Call Center

High Stakes Texas Hold 'Em

Valentines for Things