Car Safety Advocate Pillows

'See? If Mommy had been wearing her seatbelt that wouldn't have happened.'

'Honk if you love Jesus, Text while driving if you'd like to meet him,'

'I don't care what planet he's from, Ma'am, he's gotta be in a car seat.'

Self Drive Car Tests

'To more closely match reality, all our crash test dummies now hold cellphones.'

Knights Wing Mirrors.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Man using to much bug spray

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Getting the hang of it?"

"Careful."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

"Seriously Dad, it totally wasn't my fault."

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

'We would deliver if we could cross the street.'

Boozing and Cruising

'Okay - who removed Jessica's sunhat..?'

The first 10,000 fans got a concussion bobblehead!

Kangaroo: Baby on Board

Under Capitalism, Expensive Equipment is Always, Unlike People, Innocent Until Proven Guilty

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

Man who has hailed a taxi finds the driver is a crash test dummy.

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

'What the … ? How did those thugs get into my car?'

'Knowledge is the ultimate weapon. Next!'

Model employee reads 'Best Practice' document ... scruffy slob reads 'Worst Practice', with messy desk and dangerous wires.

Speeding Forklift

'This is a new electronic child-proof cap. If you can pronounce the drug's name, it opens.'