Car Cleaning Connoisseur Pillows

'For $10.95 can I interest you in our deluxe wash and wax?'

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

Car wash / Mouth wash

"Washing your car will cause it to rain – science or superstition? We investigate on the next 'Cause and Effect.'"

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

Man has applied car wax and sees the whole car melt in the sun.

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

'There are two color schemes: dark ones that attract light dirt, and light ones that attract dark dirt.'

"Hello job security."

'The Anal Retentive Astronaut.' 'Just LOOK at all this DUST!'

'Look! It's Trendy Vineyards' Merlot Window Cleaner! Streak-free cleaning, because it's 50 proof!'

A 1950's Barber Shop

"Actually he only asked for a buff-up."

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

"Dr. Green...5 second rule...stat!"

Decluttering. . .

"Do you have any idea what it's like to be underappreciated by your boss?"

'I see the Maids have been in!'

"Our smart car sent a text saying it went to the car wash to get all the winter salt off it. Did it also have to say because I was too lazy to do it?"

Junior's Towel

I have a date tonight. She's coming over. I need to get home and clean it all up. Not so fast, little buddy. Cleaning is a delicate art. Clean too little, and she thinks you're a slob. Clean too much, and she thinks you're hiding something. It's almost as if you haven't read chapter 7 of the manual. What manual? "Mancleaning: By Randy 'The Rock' Taylor." You wrote a whole book about cleaning? It's the follow-up to "How to Reach the Tenth Level of Passion by Feng Shui-ing Your Dust Bunnies." It's

'I'm after a longer dipstick. This one doesn't reach the oil anymore.'

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

Laundromat: Bulletin Board - Have you seen this sock?

New more powerful, furniture polish.

"Why are you trying to develop a flying cow?"

A man walks with a dog who has learnt to scoop his own poop.

"Now, that's what I call a skyscraper!"

'I haven't paid four dollars a gallon since I bought that swamp land in Florida.'

"I can't watch this, it's disgusting!"

'Our dog needs a bath too.'

'I always wash it before applying the turtle wax.'

"This is wonderful - a completely dust-free lab. What do you study here?"

"Clues, Watson? How can I find clues when all I see is germs?"