Captain Of The Cubicle Pillows

"Well Henderson, the first thing we'll address today is your obvious time management issues..."

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

Do Not Resuscitate

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Captain in a storm

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

'If we get out of this alive, I'm going to have a darn good look at your resume.'

"Sorry, Rick, but no thongs means no thongs."

'Well, it wasn't my lucky day... first there was that shark and then I bimped into a bunch of beaver!'

Welsh airport arrivals.

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

"I tell you, it's a jungle out there!"

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

"Give a man a job, and he'll work all day. Teach a man to delegate, and he'll take the rest of the day off."

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

Busy day at the office.

In, Out, Shake it all about

'By the time I get to greener pastures, my lawn mower will be worn out,'

"Awwwk! Mutiny is a go! Pass it on! Awwk!"

"The Captain really, really hates losing at shuffleboard."

It became increasingly difficult for the captain to reward his crew and still maintain his ferocious reputation.

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Captain Ahab (Ret.)

Verbal Orders

'Captain, there's someone pissing in the hold!'

"A storm rages from the East - tell the men to get below and snuggle up for movie night."

What really happened on the EVER GIVEN

'Miss Johnson, would you mind ordering me another computer? And you can cancel that call to tech-support.'

Solemn Reference is Made to Mr Bunsby

The crew can no longer tolerate Captain Bligh's ruthless splitting of infinitives."

"Get those decks cleaned you swabs!..."

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."