Canteen Comedian Pillows

'Two chicken lip toasties and three salmon leg baguettes...I'm guessing you're a new apprentice.'

'Any chance of utilising the Global Positioning System to forecast the length of the canteen queues?'

I've changed my mind about the soup of the month.

'Get forensic to check this ham sandwich is dead.'

'I know you are doing your best, but it will be great when Pat comes home.'

Cafe Burns.

'I thought chemistry experiments were after lunch.'

'We like bright, new employees who aren't afraid to take some risks. By the way... how are those clam fritters?'

'Chili again?'

'Oxford, Cambridge, Redbrick, Poly . . .'

"Can I have another free biscuit for my dog?" "Sure." "Can you warm this one up? Maybe sprinkle some cinnamon and sugar on it, and maybe make it three biscuits?" "You sure this is for your dog?" "Can you also sprinkle a little turkey on it?"

'Careful, this used to be hot.'

'You made me jump,'

'Your tea is getting cold.'

I like the look of the sherry trifle!

'Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday you like beans, now you don't like beans.'

'You're in trouble. Your confidential memo went toxic and so did that tuna salad.'

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

Frankly, I've seen better menus on my computer accounts Package.

'No, he's right. Cows have three udders. One for skim milk, one for two percent and the third one's for lactose free.'

'What do you mean you're a vegetarian?'

'Well, she ate the apple -- I SAID you should have the whole thing catered.'

A waiter strictly adhering to his religion

Train Arrivals

'Not at all, Mr. Porker, we already have several pigs working in our company cafeteria.'

"There's a fly in my soup."

'It's called ‘Shared Risk.' You taste the Okra Casserole and I'll try the Tuna Surprise.'

'If I were you I wouldn't eat this on an empty stomach.'

"Why do people around here get so agitated about stuff like yoghurt?" "It's the culture of the organisation"

Police canteen.

"Good evening, folks. My name is Leonard, and I hold all the cards."

"No, there wasn't a chemical accident. He's just here to change the food in the vending machine."

'Eat it while it's still £6.50.'

'Biscuit?' 'Leave it in the in-tray for the morning.'

'We've done all we can, but these beans... *sunglasses* ...Have expired.'