Candy Gifts

All-Candy Seder.

"Crust" "Mantle" "Creamy nougat center"

'What kind of filling would you like?'

Halloween, 'Please drive carefully, children on sugar high.'

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

It was a pretty vicious attack. He's lost a lot of candy.

'Toffee is very bad for your teeth.'

'I'm afraid you've got diabetes.'

A well-balanced meal to a kid is a candy bar in each hand.

'I gave Amy Tilly a box of candy, and she's going to be my valentine until it's gone.'

'I'm afraid it's worse than we thought. The creamy nougat has spread to your head.'

'I'm worried that I might have an S.T.D.. . . I know. . . but I've had sex will all sorts.'

'Given the downward slope of our demand curve...order more jelly beans.'

"Don't go to my teacher's house. All she ever gives out is homework."

"Well, thanks for the box of raisins, but we can't promise you a very good Trick or Treat rating on Yelp."

"How about if I just buy you fifteen dollars worth of candy?"

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

Sign at a border crossing saying "Welcome to the U.S.A. - We'll put M&M's in anything!"

'The Tooth Fairy and her evil twin, the Sweet-Tooth Fairy.'

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

"We'll catch 'em and cook 'em when the sugar wears off."

"If you so choose to gift my mother with candy, she can transfer ownership of said candy to myself."

'We're all out of candy. How 'bout a nice piece of meatloaf?'

"For your convenience, we ate all the candy you probably wouldn't like."

"My Mom says that's what happens if you eat too much Halloween candy."

'What goes red, amber, green, red, amber, green?'

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"My summer vacation report contains descriptions of excessive sugar consumption, and unsupervised play. Listener discretion is advised."

Healthy Chocolate Co.

"Do you have such a thing as low calorie caramel coffee creams?"

Skittles.

"The store was out of scotch, so I brought you some butterscotch"

'Heroic stoicism has its rewards.'

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

'Mom's on a diet, so we might as well get the kind we like.'