Canary-but-not-in-a-mine Pillows

"Has there been any unusual activity in our stock? The canary just died."

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

"I think he may have progressed beyond just digging holes!!"

'Fishing is Ben's life.'

"I think we feed to many vitamins to Tweety"

If I am to help you buy the proper fit for your girlfriend, you must tell me about her. She's perfect. Computer Villa. She has shoulder-length brown hair, full lips, loves pets and children. Macs, of course, not PC. And? Pardon? What kind of kisser? Show me. The wisdom of the geeky computer salesman has its price.

"Slow down. This stuff is gold, I’m tellin’ ya! Gold!"

Mexican Seasoning Mix Mines / Polynesian Sauce Works

"No gold - but lot's of silicon."

No! The new mining bill hasn't passed yet!

'Stocks and bonds dropped...on news that 'all that glitters is not gold'.'

Acme Coal Mine. I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go. Lesser known warning signs.

"Some guys have better rafts than Steve... and friends... and jobs... and ears that don't always ring, but no one's got a better attitude."

'Do the flu masks come in other colors?'

You Can Afford 8 Less Products Each Week

"This is programmed with the answers to 500 popular essay questions."

Globalization.

Scientist taking air quality reading on roof with canary wearing gas mask.

'I hope you're a member of the miners' union.'

I have this overwhelming urge to have kids

'Say - 'Ardex Mining', thats us - up up 3 7/8 last week.'

'We're keen on the canaries.'

Life not only rained on my parade, it fined me for not having a parade permit.

One suggestion for improved mine safety...

Ideas that failed: In an attempt to make mining regulation easier to understand, lawyers wrote pop-up manuals.

Almond Milk, Coconut Milk, and Whole Milk.

"See - all the thrills of outdoor activity with non of the risks!"

'Experience?'

Shortly after, mines started using canaries as an early warning system.

'He's a living legend. The most decorated carny in history.'

Tunnel of Ore

"Everybody double your anti-depressants."

'I just got canned!'