Campaign Contemplator Pillows

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Not much money, glory, or praise

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"1971... 2015..."

Guys looks in the mirror and sees himself as a prisoner.

If I could sell my experience for half of what it cost me I could retire.

Tony Blair

'Remember when the worry was over little swift boat attacks?'

US Dollar weakens.

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

'I am not my job... my job is not me... I do not need my job to give my life a purpose...' 'Hey, did you hear the news? We're all laid off!' 'Stupid affirmations!'

"I feel I blend in well with the holes in my career ladder."

"If reelected, this time, I promise not to procrastinate for four years and then try to get all my governing done in one epic all-nighter."

Stephen Harper on the attack ads.

Bowther, Wilkin, Lynch & Fisk

'I'm not saying this is a deadend job, but you can forget a trophy wife.'

Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes.

"I'm afraid it's 'I do' ... not 'Undo'."

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."

'The press is calling you overconfident. Stop using ‘Hail To The Chief' as your ringtone.'

"We all know the Senator's position regarding term limits."

'Not only have I never been a Congressman, but I've never even set foot in Washington!'

"None of the candidates - not one - talks about health insurance for use."

I don't see a future for me in my present job. They don't reward mediocrity.

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

You're suffering from pre-election fever brought on by competing promises.

TRUMP

"I forget - are we a species that mates for life?"

'Well, I see that Senator Zwecklos has found a loophole in the Campaign Finance law.'