Campaign Contemplator Pillows

I'm torn, Randy. I'm so undecided about this election. You're still undecided about the candidates? No, I'm undecided about whether to be undecided. On the one hand, it could make me seem like I'm unbiased. Like I'm not beholden to any particular ideology. Like I'm above it all. But on the other hand, it could make me look like I'm too dumb to tell the difference between things that are different. Take a couple weeks to ponder that. No rush.

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'I'm not afraid of commitment, but forever is a really long time.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

Not much money, glory, or praise

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

"1971... 2015..."

If I could sell my experience for half of what it cost me I could retire.

Guys looks in the mirror and sees himself as a prisoner.

Tonight's Lecture: Globalization. I've never worried about my job going overseas --- None of my jobs ever went anywhere.

Tony Blair

'Remember when the worry was over little swift boat attacks?'

US Dollar weakens.

'I am not my job... my job is not me... I do not need my job to give my life a purpose...' 'Hey, did you hear the news? We're all laid off!' 'Stupid affirmations!'

'What I especially like about being a philosopher-scientist is that I don't have to get my hands dirty.'

"I'm afraid it's 'I do' ... not 'Undo'."

Beware of a first kiss that speaks volumes.

'I'm not saying this is a deadend job, but you can forget a trophy wife.'

Bowther, Wilkin, Lynch & Fisk

Stephen Harper on the attack ads.

"I feel I blend in well with the holes in my career ladder."

"If reelected, this time, I promise not to procrastinate for four years and then try to get all my governing done in one epic all-nighter."

"The last thing that I intend to do is to stand here making a display of my patriotism."

'The press is calling you overconfident. Stop using ‘Hail To The Chief' as your ringtone.'

"We all know the Senator's position regarding term limits."

'Not only have I never been a Congressman, but I've never even set foot in Washington!'

'Well, I see that Senator Zwecklos has found a loophole in the Campaign Finance law.'

"I forget - are we a species that mates for life?"

TRUMP

"None of the candidates - not one - talks about health insurance for use."

"Dad has promised that if he becomes President, we'll get a dog."

You're suffering from pre-election fever brought on by competing promises.

I don't see a future for me in my present job. They don't reward mediocrity.