Campaign Captain Pillows

The Race.

Vote for me

"Good boy."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

National Everything Awareness Day

'If only every year was an election year.'

Political convention

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

An informed voter is a good voter

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

Elections

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

I want to be a politician when I grow up...

The following is a paid political announcement.

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

America's funniest election gaffes

2020 Republican Party National Convention

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

Election 2020

"Killer performance, but let's get back to the dog and pony show."

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

Palin 2012

'Psst! Wanna Buy A Democracy?'

"Do you take dark money?"