Campaign Captain Pillows

The Race.

Vote for me

"Good boy."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

National Everything Awareness Day

'If only every year was an election year.'

Political convention

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

'It's my company, I'll decide whether I want to go to the partner's meeting or not.'

An informed voter is a good voter

Elections

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'Son, voting isn't a rational procedure by which one strategically selects an electable candidate who will best serve your interests. Voting is an emotional response to your gut level fears!'

'I won't lower myself to the level of my opponent.'

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

GOP exaggerating scale of immigration, inflation and crime rates

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

I want to be a politician when I grow up...

'I would love to run for class president, but I'm concerned about the vetting process. I once faked sleep during nap time in pre-school.'

The following is a paid political announcement.

With no clear winner, the debate ended in a tie breaker.

America's funniest election gaffes

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

Palin 2012

2020 Republican Party National Convention

"Killer performance, but let's get back to the dog and pony show."

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

Election 2020

'The candidates campaign promises have been re-named campaign ideas to avoid lawsuits.'