Camera Shy Philosopher T-Shirts

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Pigeon Little

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Reverse psychology

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"I should've never studied canon law."

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

The Three Kinds of People

Hamlet in the craft shop.

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

The revolution that hit Hollywood hardest:The Thinking Pictures."

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"I don't believe in egrets."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'