Calorie Joker Gifts

'I found a loophole in my diet rules.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

E=Emcee Squared

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

'The test results are in. We've ruled out anything cheap.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

"If you have one more round it's considered a main dish."

'I thought you needed some exercise, so I packed 800 pounds of weights in your backpack.'

"I recommend the salad, fatty"

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

"Okay, that's one pizza with all our toppings and one without."

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'