Calorie-counting Strategist T-Shirts

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

Chez Nous Menu

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Little league world series of poker.

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

To do before Saturday...

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

Secretive Weigh In.

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

All Natural Nothing

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Jeff's Smorgasbord

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Sisyphus Sawyer

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'