Calorie-counting Strategist T-Shirts

'Of course on this new diet, I only count the calories of the food I eat whilst other people are in the room.'

Chez Nous Menu

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

Little league world series of poker.

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

All Natural Nothing

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Secretive Weigh In.

"This was a wicked-hard test. I'm pretty sure everybody got a bad grade."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

To do before Saturday...

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Seven layers in one dip? Gentlemen, what have we wrought?'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Jeff's Smorgasbord

'Diet considerations.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Dieting Motivation.

Sisyphus Sawyer

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'