Dieting Strategist T-Shirts

"I can't remember if I'm off red meat, or eating nothing but red meat."

"If it tastes good, spit it out!"

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"As your attorney, I advise you to assign blame, question motives, attack the media, THEN send your steak back to the kitchen."

Fat man on scales.

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'This high fiber diet is great! I've lost 10 pounds since I started eating my stuffing.'

Bored Baker

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'He refuses to overeat and get plump. Do you think he knows something we don't?'

"My holy grail is low-fat, low-cal, high-taste."

'I thought I told you to cut down on sugar.'

"I would kill for your metabolism."

Protein Powder Irony

'It says, 'If you want more fiber, eat the package.'

"Something with enough depth to taste like success to me and shame to him."

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'Don't worry. His diet's only last a day or two.'

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

Before and After diet photos.

'Pastry sniffing canine corporation' entering a 'Diet clinic dormitory'.

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

'In a word, you have too much consumer confidence.'