Calorie-conscious Superstar T-Shirts

Diet Clinic: Members Please use Frieght Elevator in Rear.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Fast Food Dieter

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens in my diet.'

If you're looking for a good time, you'll find it; if you can't find it, it will find you....

'Your Majesty, the peasants are out of bread!', 'Then let them eat low-carb stuff.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

Diet Sugar House.

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

Healthy Witch Digest

When they said that current economic problems may need to a need for more self-reliance I think they were talking about DIY...

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

'Look! The health food shop has been hit by the recession.'

'Congratulations. You're the world's first exercycle potato.'

'How would you like that veggieburger...deep fried in lard, or smothered with bacon bits or salami slices?'

"Yeah, and what's it to you if I am gluten free?"

'Uh... did you say you are on a lead diet?' 'Dude... it's all natural!'

"Actually, kale is toxic."

"Ladies and gentlemen...closing time. Or should Just say 'last call'?"

"It's not having seconds that's the problem. It's having fifths and sixths!"

Broadband developments

Man ordering a lot of food adds 'Oh, and please don't forget my diet cola!'

"I'm trying to eat healthy. Where do you keep the organic donuts?"

"No need to bust a gut, sir, this is a celebrity gym. . . I'll get someone to come over and touch those toes for you."

'I don't mind pigging out as long as it's not on empty calories.'

"No, obesity doesn't run in my family - it walks."

Fat man picking up women in supermarket

'I'm on a diet at the moment.' - 'No sugar, no alcohol, no meat, no dairy, no wheat, no yeast.' - 'Basically, dinner times now consist of me quietly weeping into a bowl of overpriced weeds.'