Calm Chaos Navigator Gifts

'So, how's the anger management course going, then?'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

Stubborn Horse

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

Tired Barbie

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Mom, can you come get me?"

Signs of Stress

When mediation failed, they tried meditation.

A dream of consequence

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

Having It All

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'You got him here before the tardy bell, Mrs. Bates, but I'm not sure he's prepared to learn.'

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

Careful

'If anyone's still interested, the definition of entropy is ^,'

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

Department to Control Government Growth - 'We need more room.'

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

Going to the pub with kids...

Married Life - Poet unable to write because of noisy children

Working from home.

'Fred's a lot more relaxed since he began viewing life as just another spectator sport.'

"Don't worry. I'll be right back. I just need a little space."

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

"Please wait while I load up software you'll never use and stick random icons all over the place."