Call Screening Pro Pillows

'Just once I'd like to hand up on a wrong number before they hang up on me!

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

PSA Banter.

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

Men's Health Screenings.

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."

'We need someone bright, someone quick to take notice.'

"Wi-fi....Wi-fi...WI....FI!...."

"I'm just sitting here collecting vast amounts of metadata. And what are you up to?...Oh, I already know."

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'We don't believe a word of this c.v... And we'd like to offer you a job.'

'You've impressed the interview panel, but our handwriting analyst has determined that you're insane.'

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

'What's your usual response to criticism?' - 'Extreme surprise.'

Ball and Chain

'I'm not really a super hero. I padded my resume.'

'The pain in your eyes is from too much TV. The pain in your arm is from too much base-ball and that other pain is from too much home-work.'

Caveman at Computer

'We'll be in touch. I still have to interview a few other applicants.'

'Does your company have a dental plan?'

'Impressive résumé. Any character references, mom?'

What we're looking for is someone who can dream big and work within our budget.

"This is going a lot smoother than we anticipated."

"There must be an app for this..."

The Job Interview

"And where do you see yourself an eternity from now?"

'His references don't check out and he knows zip about the industry--but that handshake!'