Call Screening Expert T-Shirts

'This is the voice mailbox of Rip Van Winkle. You have forty seven thousand two hundred and six messages...'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

PSA Banter.

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

"How'd I do on the test?"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

Cinema. Save me a seat, dear, behind you.

'Today we learned if it ain't on Google, it ain't worth knowing.'

'Curses! My eyes were closed.'

Caveman at Computer

"Is it ne'er do wells, or ne'ers do well?"

'What's he going to be when he passes all his exams?' 'A pensioner!'

"Since you're a lawyer, it will be a bar exam."

'When a caller asks for me, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop saying 'who'?'

"This test wasn't fair! No way it's an accurate measure of what I know!"

"Linda, when answering the phone it's 'Edward Case, Psychiatrist' not Ed Case..."

'My land line is always busy...that's my answering machine fending off robocalls.'

Listen to a lot of phone pitches while I'm at work?

No calls, I'm resting on my laurels.

I'm away from my desk. Any message you leave won't be of any importance to me.

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

"Have you read all these?"

Mammogram

'I took GCSE English, so how am I supposed to know what that means?'

"Another bloody cold caller asking if I want to lead the labour party!"

'Just once I'd like to hand up on a wrong number before they hang up on me!

'You see, Mister Wilkens, Freckles has what we veterinarians call hardware disease."

"Apparently there's a thing called television. People watch videos and movies on it."

'You think you make me nervous? Don't flatter yourself, hot shot.'

'I'm sorry but Mr Jones is not seeing anyone in person. Do you have a webcam on your laptop?'

Law school acronym test.