Call Center Agent Prints

Workaholic Hotline - 'Come on now, you can do it. Just put down those annual reports and slowly back away...'

'Oh, God I have to talk to a *****! Human!'

Our menu has changed. To hear this message again, press 1. To hang up, press 2.

"I'm starting to think humans don't even like winning free cruises."

'For an English translation of what the tech support person says, press 2...'

'No. There's no one who works here by that name. Let me connect you to our branch office.'

"If you hate being on hold, and want to get on with your work, press 1 - if you want to be on hold for a long time so you can do the crossword...."

'Try recording it again but this time, don't laugh when you say, 'Your call is important to us'.'

'Your call is important to us, but so are our coffee breaks. We'll be with you shortly.'

"I selected option 2, for help with my billing question, but was switched to option 3, to get a hard time with my billing question."

"Please go to voicemail...please go to voice...Oh Hi...so glad I caught you!"

'Yes sir, we still have Mr Edwards on hold from last thursday...'

'Martha, I actually reached a human being.'

"Do you think computers will take our jobs?"

"OK, Mr. Johnson, after you take the computer out of the office toilet where you threw it, try rebooting..."

'Oh, good. . .a live person.'

Reception - "Do you want to continue to 'hold' or do you want to call back later and 'hold'?"

'If you wish to be put on hold, press one...'

'A human being answered the phone!'

"I'm sorry, sir, but if you weren't wearing clean underwear we automatically deny your claim."

"Your call is important to us."

'This call may be monitored for quality purposes and so that later we can make fun of any stupid things you may have said.'

"Have you tried doing the thing you just told me you tried?"

'If you now feel like punching someone in the face. . . press five!'

'To make our service more personal, we abolished the on-hold music. Do you want me to sing 'As time goes by' while you're waiting?'

Hold, Hold, Hold, What you imagine all the phones look like at technical support.

Then - 'It feels so odd talking to a disembodied voice.' Now - 'It's so nice to actually speak to a human being.'

'This call may be monitored for quality, so you'd better have a good reason for bothering us.'

'I hate my life.

'Thank you for call our customer hotline. We are available to serve you 24 hours, but not consecutively.'

'Federal Communications Commission - May I help you?'

Voice Mail meets Caller ID

'The phone lines are tied up with people listening to our cool hold music!'

'Sorry, I can't talk to the customer. I'm preparing to go home in seven and a half hours.'

"Thank you for waiting. We appreciate your patience. If at any time you feel you need a more sincere and meaningful apology, please press one."