Call Center Agent Prints

Workaholic Hotline - 'Come on now, you can do it. Just put down those annual reports and slowly back away...'

'Oh, God I have to talk to a *****! Human!'

Our menu has changed. To hear this message again, press 1. To hang up, press 2.

"I'm starting to think humans don't even like winning free cruises."

'For an English translation of what the tech support person says, press 2...'

'No. There's no one who works here by that name. Let me connect you to our branch office.'

"If you hate being on hold, and want to get on with your work, press 1 - if you want to be on hold for a long time so you can do the crossword...."

'Try recording it again but this time, don't laugh when you say, 'Your call is important to us'.'

'Your call is important to us, but so are our coffee breaks. We'll be with you shortly.'

"I selected option 2, for help with my billing question, but was switched to option 3, to get a hard time with my billing question."

"Please go to voicemail...please go to voice...Oh Hi...so glad I caught you!"

'Yes sir, we still have Mr Edwards on hold from last thursday...'

'Martha, I actually reached a human being.'

"Do you think computers will take our jobs?"

"OK, Mr. Johnson, after you take the computer out of the office toilet where you threw it, try rebooting..."

'A human being answered the phone!'

Reception - "Do you want to continue to 'hold' or do you want to call back later and 'hold'?"

'Oh, good. . .a live person.'

'If you wish to be put on hold, press one...'

'This call may be monitored for quality purposes and so that later we can make fun of any stupid things you may have said.'

"I'm sorry, sir, but if you weren't wearing clean underwear we automatically deny your claim."

Then - 'It feels so odd talking to a disembodied voice.' Now - 'It's so nice to actually speak to a human being.'

"Have you tried doing the thing you just told me you tried?"

Hold, Hold, Hold, What you imagine all the phones look like at technical support.

'To make our service more personal, we abolished the on-hold music. Do you want me to sing 'As time goes by' while you're waiting?'

"Your call is important to us."

'If you now feel like punching someone in the face. . . press five!'

"We are experiencing high call volume. Please do not hold."

'This call may be monitored for quality control, so speak clearly and concisely or I will cut you off.'

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'Hold on, there might be someone more interesting on the other line...'

"How may I misdirect your call?"

'Sorry, I can't talk to the customer. I'm preparing to go home in seven and a half hours.'

'The fact that I'm not a telemarketer hasn't stopped women from putting me on their 'Do Not Call' list.'

'Thank you for calling our customer help centre. We are open 24 hours, to serve you, but not continuously. Please call back later.'