Caffeine-fueled Scribbler T-Shirts

Is plagiarism the same as value adding?

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

'Anorak anoraks'.

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Hans Holbein

Will Self deprecation

'Hows it coming?'

'On Company Time: A Novel'

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Musical Prodigy

'Honestly, I didn't mean any of those things I wrote about you in my diary last night!'

How to create a brilliant cartoon

'Your poetry totally captures the raw, primitive essence of the writing workshops you've attended.'

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"I decided to burn all my previous napkins and start fresh."

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

A pen spewing letters

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

"I can write my name in the snow. I bet you can't do that."

Muse/Museli

"No wonder you're struggling with your novel. You're not wearing your writer's hat."

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

"Careful - it's full of lies."

"Please stop signing your monitor's screen. There is a proper way to sign a document someone emails you."

Monk with a crucifix pen.

'It looks like the baby drew an organizational chart of our family!'

The Poet

"But I have a hard time calling this real writing."