Buying A New Mattress T-Shirts

Do not remove this tag under penalty of law, dirt-bag.

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"Quick, start the car!"

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

Love a Mutt

'Works every time.'

"I throw this ball, you go get it and bring it back — everything else will fall into place."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"Where's the ball? Where's the ball?"

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Your Future Home.

'They're dog roses!'