Business Story Collector Pillows

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'Tom's always been the black sheep of the family.'

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Who's Dead

'I don't remember ever having a good memory.'

"I told you not to hold your breath when comping up!"

Newborn making the V-sign

Animal immigration

'Sure we've got a lot of anger. We also got a lot cement.'

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'No we are not there yet, we're just leaving our drive!'

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

'Back in '83 I painted my entire den white with those little bottles of correction fluid. That was the golden age of office supply pilfering.'

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

A frog catches an insect truck.

"It's a Plodcast!"

'Hi. I'm Don.'

'I guess you lost me, Hank, at the point where we jump to light speed, travel back in time and undo the stupid merger that's causing all of our current problems!'

"Policing's not what it was..."

The Truth About Mermaids

"She was this tall with curly blonde hair Officer: She ate our porridge and broke our furniture..."

"Oh, and a five and five ones."

Stolen Crime Books.

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

Prompts on the Antiques Roadshow.