Business Parody Lover Pillows

Panhandler Inc. Help wanted.

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

Non-Power Breakfast

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'