Business Jargon Junkie T-Shirts

'As you can see this is no ordinary deal I'm offering - It's a big, hairy deal.'

"Under 'Occupation' I usually just put 'Roam the earth.' "

'Well for a management consultant he's refreshingly honest.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Here's the good news. 'Happy camper' and 'are we having fun yet' have been added to the official list of banned cliches.'

'We no longer call it 'hiring' - we now call it 'insourcing'.'

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

Since I took over the department, I've turned it around 360 degrees.

"You can't quit my bridal fashion business. It says so in the prenup, I man the non-compete agreement!"

"Our branding lacks that certain sense of timeless gravitas. Can we have it iconosized?"

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."

"For those of you who don't know Mr. Ingham—he's our institutional memory."

"Can you smell that, Jacobs? That’s the smell of me about to offer you a retirement package."

Terms and conditions on the mount

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

GDP and G&T.

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

"Miss Davis, bring me everything we've got on turning a two-bit hole-in-the-wall operation into a multinational juggernaut."

"Enhanced branding metrics drive robust solutions for scalable monetization of jargon."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

"Al could you unpack these mining issues for us whilst Joel drills down to get some detail on the parcel problem."

'And it comes with an accompanying dictionary.'

"Herewith, we recommend the following: when you're up to your rear in alligators, it's worth remembering your original purpose was to drain the swamp...."

"That wasn't daydreaming; I was internalizing my goal targeted self performance metrics."