Business Etiquette Pillows

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

'The customer is King'

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"Yes, we eliminated the dress code, but I see you didn't fully understand."

'Employees eye contact guide'

"At some point their handshake deals evolved into man hugs."

'I mind my own P's and Q's - I'm counting on you to cross the T's and dot the I's.'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

'High five Sir? We usually seal the deal with a handshake.'

'That's a good question, Ossie ... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?'

"Don't forget to hold our your hand and let them sniff you first."

"Let me get back to you in your order of importance."

"I need you to look at the big picture, Boswell. Not the little one of my trophy wife."

"I called this meeting to discuss the appropriate work attire."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

'Sorry, J.B., but I never merge after a first meeting.'

"Yoo hoo, the meeting's over here."

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"I hit reply all too many times."

Office computer: 'Thank you for not using me for personal business.'

That's a good question, Ossie... may I call you 'Ossie', Ossie?

'Apart from the pain I can't get my hat off.'

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

Friday is Wet Khakis Day!

"Tell him I can still hear him chewing."

"New meeting rule: No looking at phones or playing with string."

"How about fashionably never?"

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"Would you like free or expensive water?"