Business Ethicists Pillows

"We can drastically reduce our costs for the upcoming ethics workshop if I attend by myself and wear a wire."

'Okay, we raise the salaries of the Ethics Committee members... THEN raise our salaries.'

This fast food restaurant uses recycled packaging! . . . "And recycled food!"

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

Water company bonus.

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

If business gets any worse I'll have to start laying off relatives.

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Sir, your greed is showing."

Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?

'Way too much information on your resume.'

'It has all the comfort of a regular jet, but it's invisible to shareholders.'

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!