Business Decision Humorist Pillows

"Do we want to just flip a coin, or hire expensive consultants so they can flip a coin?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Any questions?"

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

Satya Nutella

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Will work for ETFs

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."