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Time for a Raise

This must be the top management floor.

'Don't tell anyone that we're heating the entire building with pink slips.'

"This company is 100 percent nondiscriminatory. We'll take money from anyone."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Lethal Presentation

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"We have an acronym!"

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

Office temperature.

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

"I haven't the slightest idea who he is. He came bundled with the software."

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

"To make things more democratic, I've decided to introduce a round-table policy."

'And this will be our strategic plan for the coming year.'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"