Bureaucratic Satire Lover Gifts

'Say, aren't you Mrs. Wit who gave me such a hard time at the building permit office?'

'Call me crazy: an aircraft carrier moored in the Thames estuary, which can double as a third runway.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Quality Control

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'...And they're giving us sixty million years to get in compliance.'

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

"Our medical benefits are quite limited, basically we send you a memo telling you to take more exercise."

"Ticket and passport, please."

"But I already asked the other parent company. They told me to ask you."

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

"So from the top. If they need urgent help it's form AC/765c, criticl interventions are CV/U657's and..."

Waste Management.

Why the discovery of the New World took longer than expected.

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

Wolf Reintroduction.

"If you work real hard and are willing to put in the hours, the sky's the limit."

'We've decided to upgrade your position with a new version 2.0 employee.'

"You have a valid social security number, a photo ID, and a credit score. As far as I'm concerned, you exist."

'At least I feel better in my mind about why Hartnett wasn't returning my calls.'

"We appreciate your insights Norman but the firm has reached the stage where we need actual ideas."

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

'It's so much better since business became computerized -- it was so hard to blame things on typewriters.'

I might have granted your loan request, if it wasn't written on a beer mat.

"Just a few more minutes. The system's down but we got a guy working on it."

"In this corporation, Mr. Taylor, at this level we do not do shirtsleeves."

Suggestions/Terms and Conditions

"To give him credit...normally I think these staff 'consultations' are a complete waste of time...but he's been in his office all morning working on our ideas."

"Accounts say that we can't afford to buy staff loyalty but we might be able to rent it."

'Well, Sylvester, I think we'll show a profit this quarter now that we've eliminated our overloaded payroll.'

'All those in favor of standing and giving me a slow clap...'