Bumper Sticker Humorist T-Shirts

Ask me about my...Estranged Grandchildren.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

How am I abducting?

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Glance Exchange

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"It's just a tree."

"How about a hand."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"I cross the road to forget."

'You can't come in here with that.'

'The Lemming Book Store'