Bumper Sticker Humorist Pillows

Ask me about my...Estranged Grandchildren.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

How am I abducting?

Coexist. Coexhaust.

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Ask me about my litter! !

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Glance Exchange

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's just a tree."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

"How about a hand."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'