Budget Illusionist Gifts

"If the goat's giblets float to the top...about £350,000."

'And I'm happy to say, that since the merger...'

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Orchestra Class Air Guitar.

"For my next trick, I shall turn four consecutive quarters of losses into a positive outlook going forward."

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Propping up a profits chart.

'Guess what I'd like to see disappear next.'

"I give you the seven-billion dollar pup, then you give me back the seven-billion-dollar pup."

Fire in the global economy.

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

Houdini's infancy.

Budget reaction.

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

"Never mind what's in the box. That'll be discussed at the end of the month."

'The next phase in which we carve the stones ornately will cost a little more than the previous ones.'

"Sorry about the disguise.But we've had to reduce our budget for the 'witness protection programme'."

' I earn a six-figure income, if you count those two little numbers after the decimal point.'

'Our cries of Armageddon were completely ignored, so let's just keep throwing money at the economy.'

Book and magician

It shows off your astigmatism very nicely.

"I have to know how it's done."

"But Kevin, why can't we have a proper jacuzzi like next door?"

Alien Magician

"I love the way you hide profits where only I can see them."

Harper's Cat Speaks: 'To whom it may concern: I will be cutting down on kitty treats.'

"And now, out of thin air, I present to you the very numbers you were hoping to see."

"Can you work a little magic with these figures? In fact, can you make them disappear?"

'Wow, it's just like the photo.'

'The x-rays are conclusive. We found some extra money hidden in the secret compartment of your wallet.'

"It's simple, really. Just figure out what the honorable thing to do is – and make it look like we did it."

'Tell them that, by funding our project, they agree the universe must be expanding, and that, as it expands, so must our budget!'

"For my next trick, I will try to meet a deadline during daylight hours."