Budget-conscious Renovator Pillows

Travel Agents

"We only got six days of funding."

Painting by the numbers for adults

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Painting the Ceiling

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

'And when you're done here honey, I have a nice periwinkle picked out for the foyer!'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

' ... and this is the half bath.'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

The Old Woman was thrilled to bits with her shoestring budget makeover!!

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

'Dad, this is something I knocked up in the shed.'

House Painter gets stuck to the ceiling.

Cut out and keep your own D.I.Y expert.

"I thought this was a do it YOURself project."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

Renovation work at Mount Rushmore.

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

"We'd like you to think of it not as a 'brick', but rather as an essential component of a potential self-build project."

Cost cutting construction ideas that failed: using rhubarb instead of rebar in concrete.

'Of course, some assembly is required. That's why my bid was so low.'

Homes for sale - some assembly required.

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

'I've spent the last 20 years modernising the house and now you say it looks old-fashioned!'

'With such a tight budget we never thought it would be possible to build our dream home.'

Now if you're looking for a handy fixer-upper

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

"It's a quote form the builder, he says that the $2000 will just cover the cost of him coming over to laugh at us!"

'...and you may notice a few of the previous owner's personal touches.'