Budget Bypasser Pillows

'I like unfunded mandates best - you don't have to worry about the math.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

"I just..."

Budget Bureau. Ernie, spilling something from every food group on it, does not make it a "balanced" budget!

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

Excess Baggage: Airlines are constantly working on new seating configurations.

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

'We're cutting back on our legal expenses and going with the violence instead.'

Occupy Budget Balancing

"This is crazy! We've been here only 10 minutes, we've spent all our money, and we've got nothing to show for it!"

'One thing about being in the drivers seat -- you pay for the gas.'

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

'Man, I've bought heaps on my credit card this month...It always amazes me...How many things I'd rather have than money.'

Oil shock.

Horror Theater. Now Playing. Return of the Deficit.

'Any other husband would hire two pairs of skis.'

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

'Wow, my own desk!'

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.

Your tax $ at WAR.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

Overdraft limit.