Budget Bulldog Pillows

"What's the facts? What's the facts? You can't handle the facts!"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

"Wow. . . what's that?!"

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Can you give me a haircut that says, 'If you mess with my budget I'll rip out your soul, wring it like a dish towel, and drink it from a teacup'?"

"I just..."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

Fries and kids

"He doesn't fiscally stimulate me anymore."

"Will you stop saying 'ouch' every time I cut something out of your budget?"

'Ooops! My mistake. That was the yearly budget estimate, no the monthly estimate.'

"All I have left to cut is my lunch money."

'Not only can I not find the middle class tax cut, I can't find the middle class.'

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

'Our expenses have decreased 20 per cent since we started refilling our own ink jet cartridges.'

'Wait a minute....!

Electricity Bills

Realty. Remember

"I think it's time we cashed in our spare change. We could probably pay off our house."

'Well, well. You made more money last year than you did the year before -- You people never learn, do you?'

"I tried to hire a hamburger fry cook from a fast food joint for our cafeteria but he wouldn't take the cut in pay."

'Before we unload him, he'd like a written price support.'

'If the best things in life are free, we have too many of the worst things.'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

The Accountant Husband

"... And how are you enjoying the cheapest bottle of wine on the menu?"

"This new budget plan to save us millions has cost us billions! How much to switch back?"

Fiscal Cliff Dwellers.

Doggie Bowl Drill

Gas Bill