Budget Bender Pillows

How To Cut The Defense Budget

He's a financial analyst. He's running the numbers for his latest project. C'mon! You can do better than this! Running the numbers didn't give him the needed results, so he's trying something else. Mmm, creamy. I like this. Sometimes you just have to fudge the numbers.

'Corporate traveler' tightening his belt

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

Budget Bureau. Ernie, spilling something from every food group on it, does not make it a "balanced" budget!

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

"I just..."

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

"I'm on a tight budget. Make it look like I cut at myself."

Fries and kids

'We're cutting back on our legal expenses and going with the violence instead.'

GAS. If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it.

'One thing about being in the drivers seat -- you pay for the gas.'

"This is crazy! We've been here only 10 minutes, we've spent all our money, and we've got nothing to show for it!"

Occupy Budget Balancing

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'Well, maybe upteen zillion was too general a cost estimate.'

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

City Centre Development - "...We've spent all the money on the model."

"I've run every test known to man, and it turns out you're allergic to medical bills."

"I'm at that awkward stage between credit card payments and alimony payments."

Oil shock.

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

Horror Theater. Now Playing. Return of the Deficit.

"All I have left to cut is my lunch money."

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.