Buddhism Buffs Pillows

"Of course, that's just my opinion. Richard Gere's views may be somewhat different."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'I'm an atheist!'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

"After searching for the sun all night, it finally dawned on me..."

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

THE ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI SHOW.

"'Thou shalt give good discounts'? That's a commandment?"

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

Psychoanalyst turtle trying to help turtle patient come out of shell

If I have to eat another mouthful of that sludge I'm gonna puke...

'The secret of life has been unknowable ever since we assigned it to a committee.'

'You have to realise that as a potato you are a very complex carbohydrate.'

'Is it organic?'

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."

'Okay, just be patient -- it could be months before they learn to obey all of these.'

"The depth of your wrongness is so deep that it is unknowable."

Psycho-plankton.

'My husband does everything religiously except going to church.'

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

"Did we get the line item veto?"

'Now let's explore your dark side.'