Bruised Beauty Insider T-Shirts

"I think they're right - all those 'outlaw boxing' people."

Bad hair day!

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

Pampered and poodled.

Dating is so expensive...

"I don't like your application."

What price beauty?

One of the Ten Best Hair Days of the Year

'I'm not begging, I've just painted my claws.'

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

"I'm not trying to be beautiful, I'm only trying to look better than everyone else there."

It was time for a little bit of lady admin

Your presentation will be terrific. I was up all night, but something's still missing. Here. I've got just what you need. How thoughtful! Eye concealer! No need to thank me.

New Twenty Blades

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

Dr. and Mrs. Steven Mueller.

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

"More concealer?"

'Well you tried, but be sure to keep Proof of Purchase.'

"That conditioner you recommended didn't do a damn bit of good."

Mirror mirror...

'Botox...'

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

"I don'y know who did her, but when she laughs the wrinkles go in very weird directions."

No wonder she's a blushing Bride"

A cow with a Brazilian.

Might be time to lighten up on those collagen implants, hon.

"I don't care what you think: it's cool, it's sexy, and I feel totally empowered."

'Here you are Dear, here's a fiver. Go in there and have them make you look like a million dollars.'

'And you thought that you had all the talent.'

If you've got it flaunt it!