Bromeliad Buddy Gifts

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

'Don't worry. No one else knows what they are doing either.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

Labor Day Flowers

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

Dentist's Office: 'I know that $3,280 hurt you more than it did me, Dad.'

Bro of Frankenstein

Pelobong

"She just loves them - she's a total girl horse."

"And before leaving virtual class today be sure and hit that like button!"

Band alternating between whiney and angry songs.

Starving Philosophy student grappling with the question of the toast in the machine.

'I'll pause for your moans and groans.'

Perfect Match

The morning after the night before.

'It's nothing personal, Donald; I just need more space.'

'I'm giving you extra marks for the six pack.' - Dr. Jeckyl , the College Years.

'Fred, we've been together too long!'

Old School Mustaches

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

'Gee, maybe there was something wrong with this college.'

Everything's coming up roses!

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'I believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy and double-ribbed condoms.'

'I hope no one thinks this ride is a bromance.'

'He's having a bad feather day.'

'Apparently, they've gone rogue, Al. They've stopped playing roles and are speaking for themselves, and what we have here are two very disturbed bruins.'

"Check it out, bro - this pneumatic tub pipes us from the frat to Wallstreet."

'I hear he's lobbying for tax laws that will let him declare us his dependents.'

How to tell you might be getting too close with your pet.

'I was given a ton of great career advice when I graduated from college. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of it because my entire brain is filled with passwords and PIN numbers.'

"Believe me, no one will notice your new braces."

'Instead of teaching me useless tricks like rolling over and fetching, how about teaching me to ride that motorcycle of yours?'