British Weather Satirist Pillows

UK snow warning.

Captain steering house through flood.

Just because I'm adapted to the cold, doesn't mean I like it!

'I don't get it. They told me to serve merlot at room temperature.'

"An iceberg the size of Connecticut broke off from Antarctica? How do the taxes compare?"

'I love it when it's sunny at festivals. It makes the mud so much warmer.'

'I swear it wasn't this cold before they invented the wind chill factor.'

Eskimo Breaking Wind

How You Know It's Spring...

"Shrinkage /ˈSHriNGkij/ noun: 1. the contraction of an object when cooled, 2. the 'Naked Cowboy' in Times Square on a really cold day."

'I'd take that with a pinch of salt if I thought the council could spare any.'

"You think we like these extra playoff rounds?"

'I am wearing my bikini!'

"It's an ice scraper. I sweat a lot."

Global Forecasting Institute

"If global warming is real, then why are winters so cold?"

'Say, Fred...'

"How did you find the weather on your holiday?"

"I guess the weather forecast was right."

Hello, is this Lucille? This is Lars Fusco. We met about 20 years ago at a party. You said I should call you when hell freezes over, and I wanted to clarify something which I've been wondering about over the years. At that time, were you aware of global warming?

This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? Global warming. Stop yer snivelling! You should be grateful! But … No more pretending not to hate your friend's ugly cardigan sweaters. No more lumbago or arthritis acting up every time there's a cold spell. We could walk around in the buff year-round and still be toasty. The benefits are endless! But it's so hot! HOJ.

The robins are back, look!

"It's the hottest since records began."

"We've got water views again."

Summer Solstice Stonehenge

Met Office "It's a tornado watch"

'No, not abominable. The normal kind.'

"Hot enough for you?"

Man Sledging on his car

Naked man walking in the rain under an umbrella.

'His lungs were fine. He died of hypothermia from all those fag-breaks outside.'

"It must be a lot colder than I thought."

The Honesty Channel's Weather Forecast

"Some cruise! It rained for the entire trip!"

"We've gone green. We use solar power to ignite the coal we burn."