Breath Counter Pillows

Dear Diary: Took another 20,000 breaths today!

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

Secretive Weigh In.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

All Natural Nothing

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Dieting Motivation.

'Diet considerations.'

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.