Breath Counter Pillows

Dear Diary: Took another 20,000 breaths today!

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

All Natural Nothing

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Secretive Weigh In.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Breathe in and reimagine yourself in a world where you lived a healthy lifestyle."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

Dieting Motivation.

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Diet considerations.'

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.