Breakfast Rebel Pillows

'He's messing with my mind. He ordered a plain donut and a chocolate bagel with sprinkles.'

Lance, the more I drink, the funnier you get! That's why the Fusco brothers are starting a campaign urging Americans to pour beer over their breakfast cereal instead of milk, as they read the comics.

101 uses of a dead cat: toast rack

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

Recipes from the Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Lockdown casserole

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Garlic Free Zone.

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"Valet park only"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

"I'm unable to process this image."

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Fridge-to-table"

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

Mom bought the wrong flakes

'I wish we lived in one of those later time zones.'

"Red wine with fish? Sometimes you really are a monster."

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

If you don't mind, we'll work through lunch...

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

'Just add eggs. That sounds easy.'

Recipes.

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"