Breakfast Conversationalist T-Shirts

How Life Changes In A Paperless Society.

"Sometime Fred, I don't think you listen to a word I say."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

'I want a big breakfast.. there are a lot of contended female cats in the neighborhood this morning.'

'We were made for each other...we hate the same TV shows.'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

Chick in noodle soup.

"Hi Mike, how's the Leprosy research going?"

"I think he should cut a deal and invite Paula Jones to join NATO."

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

'This corn's got dandruff.'

"Paved in gold? Oh my, no. With out crumbling infrastructure we're doing well if the streets are paved at all."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

The market must be up

'I ordered a blueberry muffin - Not a Blackberry muffin!'

I'm finally done celebrating the State of the Union address. What are you talking about? House of Java.net CyberCafe. Every year after the speech, I drive cross-country and date ladies from every region, and of every race, creed and color. It's my way of spending time with like-minded patriots to celebrate how we're all more similar than we are different. Whether you're in California, the deep south or far-off Hawaii, you're never more than a 2-hour drive from miniature golf. Think about that.

"I remember when you could order a cup of coffee in two or three words."

Randy, do you think I'm stuck working here, working at this cafe? Why do you ask? Maybe I could branch out, test the waters, see if I've got the courage and capacity to try something new. Are you saying I hang out at this cafe because I've got nowhere else to go? What just happened? If I just said something aloud, it had no weight or meaning.

"I've had a few days to calm down and process things and I've come to the realization that I was wrong to have had faith in humanity."

"Come on now. It's not that bad. We never even had Paris."

Instant human... just add coffee

"I thought I was a writer, but it turned out to be a chemical imbalance."

Cow sneezes milk at breakfast.

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

"I was going to wake you up with oral sex this morning, but you looked like you could use the extra sleep."

"Why is it sooo difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking. . . ?"

"Let’s start with that waiter over there."

"Did I tell you that I'm seeing a chiropractor?" "That's great. Is it helping your back?" "Are you kidding, my back is killing me. We see each other every night."