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COWMIKAZES

"The mad king ruled by chaos and corruption. He pitted everyone against each other, and they all lived divisively ever after. The end."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Whiskey and splash, sir.'

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

"They'd sold out of #1's."

"We interrupt C.B.S.'s evening news with a special bulletin from N.B.C.!"

'I'm on my break, Sam... I'll call you back when I start work.'

'I want a big breakfast.. there are a lot of contended female cats in the neighborhood this morning.'

"The project must be failing! The manager just suggested I take all the credit for it!"

'Yes, it's very nice. But, that isn't what I meant when I asked you to be more creative, in bed.'

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

'Are salary increases automaric, or do I have to work for them?'

'Are you still eating your breakfast? I want to lay the table for lunch.'

'This corn's got dandruff.'

'Forget about going to the store for a bicycle patch. I used one of your nicotine patches.'

'Can't it wait until halftime?'

'All drinks are double the normal price - it makes me happy.'

"I'm going to do some gardening.Have you seen my ear protectors?"

"How much longer are the anesthesiologists going to be on strike?"

"Read me that story that puts you to sleep so I can play in the internet."

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"It's my in-tray!"

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

Punch has a smoking break.

Try to cut down on your salt intake.

'The newspaper strike hasn't affected you at all, has it?'

'The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on.'

'One slice of toast and a bottle of ketchup, please.'

"Oh, come on—it's 8 a.m. somewhere."

"Love makes the world go round?! What...for 30 seconds a month?!"

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."