Brainy Banter Fan Prints

'You have inflammation in both eyes but as far as I can see, there's no information behind them.'

'A cheeky red?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

The Art of Bantering!

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"The problem is: reasonable men may differ on what the hell reason is!"

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'