Brainy Banter Fan Prints

'You have inflammation in both eyes but as far as I can see, there's no information behind them.'

'A cheeky red?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

The Art of Bantering!

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"