Bragging Master Gifts

Fish talking in a bar - one has a heap of hooks hanging out of his head 'And you must be the one who got away?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Viola player coming through!"

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

"It's cute that yours has a Fire Island share, mine has the East Hampton Dream House."

"And this is Joshua, he'll be a hundred and forty-seven months next week."

Ventriloquism For Beginners.

A Salmon Lie

'Selling a stock and marking a profit is better than selling it at a loss, if only for the bragging rights.'

'Boasting bumper stickers.'

Cartoonist Checkups

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

I heard you're going to Mars to star on some reality show. Yep. Mars One. We launch ten years from now. Ten years? You don't have the attention span to wait ten minutes. In ten years, you'll have forgotten all about this. And when that day comes, I will mock and berate you mercilessly. You'll be dead in ten years. Ridiculing you gives me a reason to go on! Being around you gives me a reason to go to Mars.

One-upmanship.

'Tut. Now I suppose we'll have to hear all about her holiday!'

"Guess what Darling, Nigel's telephone number is exactly the same as my salary."

'I've been a model, a film star, a soap star, a dress designer... next I'm going to write a children's book and after that...'

"Oh, we have a special hell for triathletes. It's just like regular life, except you can't talk about your triathlons."

"And that one I tagged with a flamethrower from ten yards."

"Your wife might be a brilliant cook, but my wife orders the world's best pizza!"

'I'm not naturally dense you know...Its taken years of practice.'

Show-Off-And-Tell.

'You win.'

That was the first addition to my ego wall. It's my first loaded diaper."

'Oh, I would say it was at least twice that size, and it had fangs and horns too...'

"Any more unfinished symphonies, and I'll stop your pocket money, you lazy child."

'These represent all of the career milesones I passed on my way to the top. Each trophy was created to my exacting specifications. Each picture, with world leaders, was carefully crafted using advanced phot-editing software.'

'That was my first ever kill.'

"I take the fun out of everything. What do you do?"

Fishermen bragging - One has caught a diver

"No, I can't play piano, but I could fill that bowl with hundred dollar bills."

"And this is a picture of me before I became a high net worth individual."

Woman winding wool on husbands outstretched arms.

I only whale for the sport of it.

'See? — that's the big one I got away from.'