Brace-free Dreamers Gifts

'I didn't have any cavities, but the dentist said I need braces.'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

It was Wilbur's first vacation in 17 years.

"I'm putting you on country music."

'Just think...summer's coming, and everyday will be like Saturday morning!'

The Nihilist Deli.

Life-Work Balance.

'Sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs bite!'

Monster under the bed.

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Ed listens to one too many relaxation CDs...

Don't have nightmares!

Moonbillies.

"The last thing I remember was asking my broker if all money had been in risk-free bonds."

'When you put on a new nicotene patch you're supposed to take the old ones off!'

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

"Sleep? No, I'm the anxiety fairy. How about a cuppa joe?"

Nothing gives me a greater feeling of accomplishment than not accomplishing anything.

"It's actually a nice change. Before Eddie's business failed we were living in a gilded cage."

'All the stress of the job went away once I stopped giving a damn.'

Wheel of Sleep Misfortune

"I believe in eggs, and I think that you all believe in eggs, too!"

I love the optimism on new year's day! Yeah, breaking the seal on a new year is link unpacking a new gadget. It's all shiny and it seems like in some way, big or small, your life is going to get better

"When I count to three you will have given up smoking but you will think you are Elvis Presley."

Lottery Here. Don't you know the lottery is a tax on people who are bad at math? Yes, but we're hoping for a huge tax refund.

'I wish my marriage was 'catch and release'!'

"Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?"

'We've heard that you don't have a debt. Please come with us, sir, you're under arrest because of being an unpatriotic domestic demand saboteur.'

'It is a little-known fact that all our energy problems would be solved if kids weren't such total wimps.'

'I dream of soaring free, like an eagle!' 'I dream of being free range, like a chicken.'

"Whenever they low, I get high."

County Health Clinic: "Urgent Care" and "Casual Care"

"Don't bring the cares of the barn out into the pasture."

'Hester had done the triple dozens of times in his mind. Now, however...'