Box Office Detective Gifts

'Sure we're concerned about terrorism, but the only bombs we've seen around here are some of the movies we've booked.'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"I'm sorry, JB, we still haven't worked out how we did it."

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

"'Statistics will prove anything' is right, Carruthers. They prove you screwed up."

"Well, we know it's WAY down there, but it may be beyond the range of our equipment."

Welcome to Hollywood

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

Fine Print Letters

'Unfortunately, this, here, is still a mystery.'

'Our profit dropped because half of our salesmen are in 'How to increase the profit' - training, sir.'

"I'm not sure if the audience is ready to embrace you in a romantic comedy."

'Stocks edged higher on the news Greenspan said investors are 'irrationally gloomy'.'

Antonio Banderas

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

"OK, let's see. For starters, the guarantee only covers the muffler."

Same Day Glasses - "They'll be ready in a month. It's not my fault you couldn't read the fine print."

"Today share prices fell sharply on the fear that share prices may fall sharply."

"It's always 'Get me a Godzilla type,' never 'Get me Godzilla!'"

'I've brought my attorney along to read the small print.'

"What you ain't - is A GENT!"

'I can't do it anymore. 54 months of analysis and we're still no closer to explaining why Christian Bale's Batman talk in that awful voice.'

Lawyer to lady: 'Since I specialize in eye injuries, I've eliminated all the fine print.'

Landlord makes a song and dance about the rent at a theatre

I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think. About what, little buddy? Star Trek. The latest movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus. Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives.

"The fine print, in the contract, can be read only if held up to a mirror."

"I've brought the wrong tickets...And I've come to the wrong show."

'We're picking up a strong emission from the third planet from the sun - something called the Dow Jones Average.'

Now playing: 'The passion of big box office profits'.

'I'm sorry, sir, but you can't use your frequent-flier miles because one of our blackout dates,,,'

'After two days of intensive calculations I have figures out why your company doesn't make any profit: your expenses are too high. That'll be 4, 785,000 euros, please.'

'Go crunch these numbers again. They're a little hard to swallow.'

"How can we tell if this old movie poster is valuable?"

Shipping contract.

ACME INSURANCE COMPANY, 'Of course, the death benefits don't apply if it's the Government that kills you.'