Boutique Owner Gifts

'We make petites in large sizes.'

"I can't believe I spent seven million dollars on tights."

"I'm looking for something that says country-but-only-an-hour-and-a-half-drive-from-the-city."

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

'They've certainly got designs on your purse!'

"It IS a 'designer' dress, it's just that the designer was a bit rubbish!"

Pashminas are sooo noughties!

"These are the least elegant one's in stock!"

'Would Madam like souvenir photos of the donors?'

'Oh no, that's so half past four!'

As models become skinnier, so do the mannequins.

'Retro?... My entire wardrobe is at least ten years older than this lot!'

'I have a dress for every day of the year. Is that it?'

I'm thinking of something in a Cheddar.

This new style should sell like hot cakes...it's big on the inside and small on the outside!

"Pssst! Interested in women's clothes with actual real pockets?"

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

The Dorrie Decimal System

Cut Price

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

Woman blowing dust off book 'Desert Romance'

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

'...then Johannes Gutenberg built the first bookcase'

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

Author of 'The Big Pop-up Book' popping up out of a folding table.

"International best seller! It's just a squirrel."