Bottom-liners T-Shirts

"We don't kiss butt around here, but we sure bootlick the bottom line."

"Mom, I'm bored. Do you know something I can get hysterical and panicky about?"

Fear of news.

Newspaper suicide.

The Expert

News for Sale

'I suppose that's where things get ironed out.'

Cameron uncomfortable hanging out with his inquisitor.

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

Big Newspaper Delivery

Scientist seen on loch.

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"! (Published originally on March 2, 2009.)

"And remember, people, it's better to light a scandal than to curse the darkness!"

'You fancy yourself as a press baron, don't you?'

"Here's what went wrong today."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

'She's the worst gossip I've ever come across.'

Magazine stand in middle of the desert.

"In financial news, stocks were down, bonds were up. In world news, democracies were down, dictatorships were up."

"Do I have to answer that? I wanted to sell all this stuff to the tabloids!"

Gossip columns: 'And rumour has it that singer, Kelli B is said to be in shock after finding out longtime boyfriend, actor Todd Korfull, has been having an affair with, now get this, KELLI'S agent!! YEEOUCH!...' A column talking

'Inflated gloom!'

'According to the latest reports, there were no earlier reports.'

"Nothing is certain except death."

"I didn't want this book to end, so I stopped reading it midway."

Science Journal. Editor. Ernie, we need a headline that will interest the general public in our artificial supernovas. "Big stars involved in nasty breakups"!

Newspaper

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

Daily News Headline Writing Dept. Here's a story about a Colorado appliance salesperson involved in an auto mishap … "Denver blender vendor in fender bender!"

The Daily Fury

'No comment for now, but there will be a press leak at four.'

"The idea that the government introduces change for the SAKE of it is NONSENSE...we also introduce it so we have an endless stream of tabloid friendly headlines and meaningless sound bites."